The Girl with all the Curiosity

 

The epitome of philosophy lies in the basis of humanity. Do I believe in love or is it one of the perfectly obscured materials which we have created to feel less pain. The weightage I give to love is one of the many billion things I feel at one moment. The gift of feeling multiple emotions and straining yourself from divulging them is hardly an easy task. I’m frustrated. That’s such a nice word. Frustrated doesn’t even begin to describe what I feel at many a moments in my life. One day its hyperactive happiness, another day it is controlled and then as you see it, in a blink of an eye breaking my bones to feel less. The burst comes and goes. You feel the monster rising and then blowing out. It comes out like creeping on the soul, treading on my flesh ready to claw it and throw it across the floor. Am I breathing? The sudden pride of owning an entity which was never yours in the first place. It was given.

The presence of a third person who didn’t leave my existence in the first place. I hear everything I see everything. I assume. I laugh. I blackmail. I hurt the ones who love. The screeching sound in my brain is on mute. They tell me I must be insane that I think I could be insane. I cannot embrace my sanity. I’m told to act normal be normal feel normal. What is normal? I cry publicly now. Instead of breathing under a bulb in a room full of darkness, I smashed that bulb. I need to stop stressing and revisiting the past they tell me. Don’t look at your wounds. If you don’t look at them you will feel they are not there and forget about them. I always think about my diseases. Never thankful that I’m cured instead fearful for a relapse. That’s why I don’t get too happy too excited too ecstatic too vocal. I have achieved to be a normal human. That’s an achievement? Really?

Presently, I may have broken records, but pride will swallow you whole. The higher power will grant you what you desire but will strain you from achieving your greatest feat. There’s a catch. There’s always a catch. Be humble be positive be empathetic. That’s when I’ll win.

 

Sara closes her dairy and hugs it tight. As if holding it firmly against her chest will dilute all the scratches in her mind. She always leave a positive message in the end. If on any day, her mother reads her scriptures, she would be terribly broken. A heartfelt line in the end just leaves a kindle of hope that Sara always will find a way to hold on. This was necessary. Not only for her mother’s sake but for her too. She needed that jolt of reality smacked right into her to soothe her anxiousness. To help her stay grounded. To bring her back from the turmoil.

She is a Boss. Ass. Bitch. She has been strangled for a long time that she had learned to smile when she is choked. Take the high road. Instead of giving equal importance to everyone she had realized to only care for those who loved her. She wrote this on stone. Being pushed to be an A-grader had numbed her mind. An individual who isn’t scoring high marks in studies might as well be wed off and become a homemaker. She believed it. Those around her believed it. There wasn’t any way out. In ten years, she had been shattered and recollected herself successfully numerous times. She was strong. Her idea is accepted as a problem, not a solution.” I have smashed glass ceilings, brother.” It’s not enough, honey, comes the reply. From all her knowledge and experience that has latched on her like a leech, she used to hate that she was made to feel not enough. As she grew up, studied, observed similar situations which others had encountered she believed that push was necessary to become extraordinary. She was not born to be mediocre. She was born to be special. And special doesn’t define the same old progressive evolving human who had to climb a mountain to be noticed. But even a small but bold change that could be brought even in herself. Sara did not need a throne to divulge her plans to the world. She will read slowly and mark her understandings of the world, here and a little over there.

The good things maybe a plenty but the criticism had made her a bickering, complaining and pessimistic creature. Do notice it is not human, but creature. Being positive and that too every day is an exhausting task that she had taken upon herself. She still bickered. She still complained and once a while she would whine about the shitty weather. At one point in time, feeling sorrowful for herself, which is a foreign concept to her now, had been her everyday musing. She ached for things she didn’t want. She had this illusion that was thrust on her as a teenager that a man only can make you happy. Bad company. Zero social skills. The excuses are many to explain why she felt the need to define herself through validation. Right now at this very moment she has cut herself off from all those things that she never required. A wholesome meal full of calories which her body and mind didn’t need. Focusing on herself was in her subconscious. Her life was slow and her hustle was strict. The world did not revolve around her. Being in the phase of being in the limelight (which she never was, could be but didn’t feel the need to acknowledge) had crushed her soul. Putting the pieces back is agonizing, that too of a shattered glass. Imagine after you are done, it looks as if it was just manufactured. The cracks can only be seen from the inside but outside, god damn it, oozing perfection. Fortunately enough, the pros outweigh the cons and that, programmed via Sara’s brain would always be the predetermined answer to every situation she faced. But there were stages.

Stage I: Oh, I failed the quiz.

Stage II: Nope, it can’t happen to me. TO ME?! Nah.

Stage III I’m such a failure. I’ll die a loser. I feel dejected.

Stage IV: IT’S MY FAULT. IT’S MY FAULTTTT. (Sweats uncontrollably)

Stage V: Its okay I will do better in the next quiz. It’s all about choosing and picking the right moment for the next move. (Sweat starts to dry)

Stage VI: Watch out bitches I’m the queen I will slay I will conquer I will rule.

Stage VII: Overdramatic much? Don’t be hyper now. Keep your cool, boo. When’s snack time?

This was a 20 minute session. That too, in class. Others could be longer. Many lasted days. And sometimes it would only take a second to snap to Stage VI and even lesser time to tumble down to Stage III. The sixth stage was her all-time favourite. Even though it had the side-effects of being impulsive, making rash decisions, speaking without thinking through, laugh attacks, sassy comebacks and even forgetting who she was. It gave her a high. She loved it and she loathed it. The stage was dangerous, she knew but it never bothered her until she gravely suffered the aftermath of her actions.

Dark circles under her eyes. First signal. Ditching heavy makeup. Second. Feeling vulnerable and self-loathe which was persistent. Third. It didn’t count since that was just inside and ongoing since she remembered. The first two signals were visible and both were enough to know a great life lesson was to be slapped on her tarter personality.

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Major Throwback! Movie Review: Bride Wars for Young World

Even though it got rejected as the movie was PG. I still felt compelled to post it because it was written on my wall. The thoughts were unstoppable, I couldn’t find paper thus one of my bedroom walls was graced by one of my very first reviews. 🙂

Movie Review: Bride Wars

Image result for bride wars

Tue 2/10/2009 4:59 PM

To:

youngworld@dawn.com;

After appearing in the hit comedy Get Smart, Anne Hathaway returns to the silver screen with the romanctic comedy Bride Wars along with real-life close friend Kate Hudson popularly known from the movie, How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days.This movie is about two childhood friends, Anne Hathaway(Emma) and Kate Hudson(Liv), who have been planning their weddings together their whole life.Now at 26, they are finally engaged. They couldn’t be more excited but due to a mistake, their weddings fall on the same date! Now friendship is put to the ultimate test, since both of them have to compete with each other on having the perfect wedding. Both of them trying different ways to ruin one another’s dream day, so that one of them will back out.

The movie has a few light moments and manages to capture your attention, but the script was at times far from reality and seemed unreal because best friends don’t turn against each other so quickly.It’s hard to expect that from someone as dear as one’s childhood best friend.Almost all of the movie is based on how Emma and Liv try to ruin the details leading up to the wedding which becomes exhausting after a while.Kate Hudson was passable but Anne Hathaway failed to convince me as a character, which is completely different at the beginning of the movie compared to the end.

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An Open Letter to the Mean Girls in High Schools

Picture a girl who is 15 years of age. She is starting her year for the 10th standard. Excited for the new chapters coming up in her life, she is fond of reading, drawing, playing with paint and colors and most of all, being happy in who she is. Fast forward to the middle of 10th grade, she is fighting for her place in between the truckload of students in her school. Schools, which are famous for producing machines who have the same thought process for each individual just different life stories (let’s leave it at that, as it would start another debate.) She finds and confides her whole being to a handful of friends, showing her weird, crazy and traumatic side and only asks for watching her back. Holding her trust close to their hearts and just being there.

Image result for girl woman journey beautiful

She soon realizes everyone is walking away. Wait, is it because I told them a bunch of stuff which didn’t fit the ‘cool code’? She wonders, she wonders day and night. Hiding in the bathroom, hiding in the library, she wants solace. Unable to seek help, her frustrations are buckled up deep inside. Unable to communicate she is getting agitated, she wants out. Three years go by, she has given up. Her former friends bully her, they look at her with ridicule. What a loner, they say. She needs to get a life, she doesn’t say much, why is her hair that way, she doesn’t smile. This is the best one, go away from here, you freak! This girl right now might as well be dead.

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The Commitment Crisis

I run my hands through my hair nervously as I fuss in the car which is taking me to a place I don’t want to be. The first day of Eid was coming to an end; we were going to the last dinner party of the night at a relative’s place. They were holding a lavish dinner to celebrate their daughter’s engagement. As they were faraway relatives who kept this party on a day where everyone had their own plans, the common reaction of any individual attending was a thumbs-down. Since they were elders in the family we had to oblige to their invite. I was neither interested nor excited to see another girl much younger than me getting the attention, but I went regardless to see the face of the girl who had decided to give up her freedom and her single life.

wedding

This is super awkward.

The daughter is merely eighteen. I feel sweat running through my fingers as I cross the long pathway to reach the segregated area for women. *Alayna is a confident and sensible girl. I was aware within myself that she must have thought over several times of her decision to settle down. I knew she was studying religiously to become a designer of some sort at a prestigious university.

My thoughts get interrupted as the long walk ends. As I observe and take in the setting of the place, flashbacks start coming in my mind as I remember when I was twelve and this girl would talk about things which were unknown to the kids of our age. She was only eight; my eyes would pop out with shock with the thought and admiration that this girl had more knowledge than me in these issues. Here we were, the children unaware regarding such things and she was well equipped with such valuable information. The girl, lady, woman or whatever you may call her had managed to find herself a suitor who didn’t find her creepy for knowing that she was perfect within herself and didn’t need anyone’s approval.

I-DO-Marriage-Series

Um okay?

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Redefine The Way You Think

Feeling Down?

Feeling Down?

You wake up and realize, another day has been dumped upon you. The weekend is over and Tuesday still hasn’t got you back to routine with studies, work and their respective assignments. While dreading to do the tasks, you remember the good ol’ five days off because of Eid when you had no care in the world. Now you’re back to the point where you don’t feel like talking and despise anyone who does. You basically hate everyone and the love of your life your snuggly cuddly bed keeps popping up in your thoughts.

As much as you loathe the ongoing activities for the day, you plaster a smile on your face to assure others that you’re the most excited, over-efficient person in the whole wide world. Each second that passes on your watch brings you closer to home time where you don’t have to deal with people and/or any kind of interaction.

NOW let’s change the gear.

I’ll start this post with a different perspective and you will feel the variation in your thought process.

How slow were the holidays? Didn’t you, at some point, just want to return to your routine already? The beginning of your week gives you the chance to start afresh. With so much hustle and bustle of the city, daily contradictions with others, a new day gives you a chance to clear your head. You set fresh goals to achieve. One can untangle situations with patience. As you return to your studies/work, you get a sudden rush of adrenaline that today I will learn something new, garner experiences with limitless learning. When you meet someone new, they teach you something unique.

There are a few things that make the morning of a new day even better. You wake up early thus most of your day isn’t spent sleeping. You are proactive and feel prolific. A new day indicates that good things come to you; you just need to take charge and recognize them.

say yes

Start your day with a positive note. It can be as simple as ‘Say yes, and you’ll figure it out afterwards’.

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Being Beautiful On The Inside

The world comes to an end when you hear ‘Sorry ma’am that dress isn’t available in your size’. Being someone who hears that often and it’s not limited to dresses only. Shoes, pants, t-shirts and anything I can think of. I have always needed a ’bigger’ size. ‘Ma’am your feet are too wide”, “Um that is fat protruding out of the clothes, ye to exercise se trim hoga” are few of those many opinions/judgments/criticisms I have to hear about my body from complete strangers.

The Perfect Person Doesn't Exist

             The Perfect Person Doesn’t Exist

I have never reacted to people. I just smile politely and move on. The only thing that itches me is that who has given these people the right to object on me? Stare, point and laugh, speak in hushed tones and comment on my body? I chose what I want to do with my life. Will your XYZ herbal diet I must must try or special ‘magic doctor who made you lose 10 kgs” advices make a difference in my life? I know you’re a concerned citizen who just cannot bear to watch a heavy burden on the world moving like a snowball but could you like just back off? Making me feel uncomfortable to fulfill your weird feel good about yourself desire that “thank god I’m not in that position”, “poor soul”, “don’t her parents don’t do anything about it?” thoughts.

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Brutal Is The New Strategy – India, Are you Ready?

The Cricket World Cup 2015 is finally here. With only one day to go, the fans wait in anticipation for the matches to start which will declare the Top 8 teams that will be playing the quarter-finals. Pakistan did win the warm-up matches against Bangladesh and England on Monday and Wednesday respectively, shaking up the fans if Pakistan could actually repeat its 1992 victory.

I have kept my expectation zero until now since I haven’t even heard the names of almost half of the players on the team. One of my friends who’s a die-hard cricket fan even asked me if we should follow the World Cup or not because every move by the Pakistani team will hike our blood pressures.

As the days are coming closer to the spicy match with India on Sunday, I can hardly sit still. The Paksitani team might be nervous, but winning this match will give our team confidence and give it a boost to stand in the competition with poise for the next six weeks. Tendulkar will be missing from the Indian batting line-up which will be a huge advantage for us. Although the World Cup stats after the 1992 World Cup are slightly in favour of India, the spirit of each individual in Pakistan watching are sky high.

With eyes glued to the screen, Sunday may create new records for TV audiences all over the world if the match lives up to expectations. With advertising up to the roof, all major brands and labels promoting themselves by carrying out campaigns and ads related to the cricket World Cup thus their consumers remember them in each passing cricket moment to garner as much attention and profit as they can.

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